Exclusive interview with author Kim Stolz and a review of her new book about social media and the pitfalls of being too connected
Rating: Three Stars
By Gabrielle Pantera
“I didn’t blame social media for my transgressions but I do believe it provided an easy, slippery slope for me to live out my most dangerous impulses,” says Unfriending My Ex and Other Things I’ll Never Do author Kim Stolz, the MTV news anchor who’s been a contestant on America’s Next Top Model and was named by Out magazine in 2012 as one of the 100 Most Compelling People of the Year.
“I was on a plane, 36,000 feet in the air, and received an email from my then-girlfriend which was a pasted GChat conversation that I’d had with an ex,” says Stolz. “I had forwarded the GChat conversation to my roommate at the time and my girlfriend had logged onto my roommate’s computer and it was staring at her in the face.”
Stolz has written a memoir about how her whole life is lived online, that she needs to disconnect to reconnect. Most of us have a smart phone and are connected at all times. We do business, get our news, share our news via social media. Many share more then they should. If there is a hook-up, break-up, feud or make-up, we find out via social media. Friends and followers, lost loves or unwanted losers, who are all these people in our lives? Do we really know who anyone is?
Social media is both entertaining and feckless. Stolz will make you think about how connected you are to living, breathing people, not just online avatars. She says we should disconnect to feel real. If you are one of the few left who doesn’t live their whole life online, it can give you a perspective on your friends and acquaintances who are. Internet savy or just addicted to digital? How often are we connecting on a personal level? Can we disconnect from the matrix or are we self-obsessing voyeurs?
“When I started writing this book, I had assumed that the generation younger than me who knew nothing other than a life on social media and smart phones would be no help in bringing our society to a better, less addicted place,” says Stolz. “When I interviewed them, I was astounded and pleased to find that they are experiencing the same emotions and fears and frustrations. It gives me hope for society and the future. I’ve had to deal with the dichotomy of writing about a lot of the downfalls of social media while also using that medium to promote it.”
In writing about the dangers of too much time online, Stolz spent significant time online doing research, but also spoke with experts. “I did massive twitter polls, other medium-led polls, interviewed psychologists and behavioral specialists, interviewed other authors who have written on the subject, and read a ton of research and statistical studies. I found most by ordering on Amazon or downloading documents on the Internet.”
Unfriending My Ex is Stolz’s first book. Stoltz has written for MTV.com, Foxnews.com, Huffington Post, TrueSlant, Cosmo, TechCrunch and Self Magazine. When not writing, she’s the Director of Equity Derivative Sales at Bank of America Merrill Lynch. She was born and still lives in New York City.
“I think we just have to find a balance of using social media but not letting it use us or abuse us,” says Stoltz. Her book may help you decide what that balance is. Kim’s website is located at: www.kimstolz.com
Unfriending My Ex: And Other Things I’ll Never Do by Kim Stolz. Hardcover, 224 pages, Publisher: Scribner (June 24, 2014), Language: English. ISBN-13: 978-1476761787 $24.00
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