I was hoping this week’s newsletter was going to be all about us celebrating Gay Pride, but unfortunately the tragic events that occurred in the gay Orlando nightclub ‘Pulse’ put an end to that.
In the early hours of Sunday morning, 49 people lost their lives to a gunman, who decided it was okay to spray bullets into a joyous place and cut short the lives of these fun-loving club-goers. And it sickened me to the core.
I woke up at 7am on Sunday all eager, as I was supposed to join the British Consulate as part of their float that made its way down Santa Monica Boulevard just like I did last year. But after turning on my TV and watching the reports come in of this senseless tragedy, I collapsed, my heart sank deep into my chest and the tears just rolled out of my eyes. Having just coming back from gay clubs in New York City, attending the San Diego LGBT film fest the week before, and my many nights dancing in countless nightclubs over the years, this could have been me. These victims could have been my friends.
How was this possible? There are still so many questions still reeling in my mind. My fiancé Michael and I were still planning to attend the pride parade, albeit in a somber light to pay our respects to the slain, until the news changed stories, to one much closer to home. An arrest of a suspect in Santa Monica who planned to attend LA Gay Pride with weapons and explosives. No news of whether he was alone, or part of a group. At that moment we decided it was best not to take that risk.
The march went ahead and luckily there were no incidents reported and everyone was safe. I felt so angry that my sense of security and freedoms were taken away from me at the moment and that I couldn’t celebrate how far we have come in the LGBT community with equal rights.
I was glued to the news all day as the updates came in and one of the many things that stuck with me was when his father reported that the killer was repulsed when he saw two men kissing. Right then I realized that even with our rights, we are still not equal and the fear of intimacy and affection that I have had in public with the man I love was still very much prevalent. My fear of offending someone with my love for another, as I drive past straight couples making-out or holding hands and most people being happy for this expression of love. But now at this moment realized that growing up gay in the UK we had to always hide in plain sight. Having to hide our affection, watching over our backs, hiding in alleyways as we embrace, sneaking a light touch when walking in the streets, linking fingers in the cinema once the lights went out, having a codeword pet name for I love you, when hanging up the phone with a lover, constantly living in fear that we would ‘be found out.’
The truth is I lived a lot of my younger days in fear. I thought acting straight was a good thing, when really it was more of a defense mechanism created by my subconscious to protect myself. In reality I’m mad at myself for being afraid to go on that march on Sunday, that somehow they got the better of me. I should have been there marching still, because clearly this is not over and it serves as a stark reminder that homophobia, just like racism and sexism, is still very much alive in America, and all over the world. And it’s important for us to stand up, rise up for and support those who have been or are still being suppressed.
So I call on all my LGBT friends and straight allies to please join in an online movement with an image of #TwoMenKissing (or a couple from the same sex) and post it on social media. The more we see images like this and bring it in to the conversation with others that this is okay – the easier it will be for future generations to not have to live in fear.
It’s a crying shame what happened in Orlando in the early hours of Sunday. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the families and friends affected. The hurt and heartache this senseless act of violence has caused is beyond a national tragedy… 49 lives were lost because someone was repulsed by the imagery of #TwoMenKissing.
Earlier this week London showed their love and respect by filling the streets of Soho in response to the events in Orlando. I hope you’ll find a way to heal too through this incident that has affected us all.
Much love to you and yours,
Craig Young
