I won’t sugar coat this – this week I lost my right leg….and the left one too as I fell to my knees after hearing my darling dog Dusty had the dreaded C and it was inoperable. Nothing prepares you for those words tumbling from the vet’s mouth, almost like the sound of Charlie Brown’s teacher. “WAA WAAA WAA’ I mean it had to be some sort of sick joke, right? I brought her in because I thought she had the ‘doggie flu’, that’s been going around. And they’d give her a course of antibiotics and she’d be right as rain. And we’d go back home and snuggle again.
I rescued Dusty 12 years ago, from a friend who lived in a shoebox in DTLA, She had been dumped on my friend by an actress who had found her roaming the streets like a vagabond. The actress said she would return for her in a few weeks after she finished filming a job. Long story short, she never did return and meanwhile Dusty had eaten most of my friend’s apartment and closet to shreds and was about to be given up to the shelter the next day. But that night I met her, she jumped into my arms and licked me all over, from head to toe and wouldn’t let me go. I brought her home to Michael, who was a little dubious at first, but she soon melted his heart and with the promise of obedience training, she could stay with us. She had found her forever home. Other than a fondness for eating the occasional expensive stiletto. (Jimmy Choos taste good, I guess) she was incredibly well behaved.
About ten days ago Dusty stopped eating her dry food, we’d had some guests staying with us and had been giving Dusty a lot of treats – she’s a smart cookie and so we thought she was holding out for the good stuff. But 24 hours passed and she still wouldn’t eat. We tried changing her diet – some of which came out both ends and decorated our tile floors, but then she seemed to be on the mend.
I traveled with my best bud to Palm Springs just last Friday morning. She rode shotgun, letting her furry face out the window to catch the wind. But today she didn’t stay at the window for long, She turned her back on her perch and curled up on the seat, head facing me on the arm rest. She looked forlorn and her breathing was a little labored. I’d read about a rare doggy flue from Southeast Asia and thought I would take her to the vet, just to make sure.
I visited the VCA animal clinic in Palm Springs and after a four hour wait the vet checked Dusty’s vitals and said “Yes, could be the flu, we can run the flu test for $300, or we can just give you some antibiotics to clear up any infection she may have.” – I went with the latter as all the signs were there. We left, and later that night her breathing worsened. It became more shallow and she was struggling to get up and walk. This was not the flu. I know my dog. I posted a video on instagram and a friend of mine who lost his dog a few weeks earlier said “I don’t want to scare you but it looks like it might be heart failure.” With medication he said his dog lived for a further two years comfortably, but don’t wait and to get it checked out immediately.
So Sunday I drove her half an hour away to the emergency animal hospital in Indio. X-rays and blood work were done. I left Dusty there for a few hours and they would call me when they had finished their investigation.
A few hours went buy and the call came in. Dusty has fluid in her lungs and what looks like, some blood too. The vet wanted to do an ultra-sound test next just to see how or what was causing this. We decided we wanted a second opinion and called VCA Animal hospital West LA. I drove like the wind Using the carpool lane and going over the speed limit a few times, mind you. Too be honest, I didn’t give a damn. I needed my girl to get there as fast as we could, so we could “fix” her.
Traveling on the long winding road playing Dusty Springfield on my Spotify, (clichéd, I know) I talked to her, letting her know how loved she was and how many amazing years she had given me. I stroked her favorite spot behind her ear. After a few miles, I saw a clearing up ahead. Coming to a stp I opened the door for here. She delicately climbed out, I removed her collar and leash and let her wander in to this field. She sniffed, she did some business and ate some grass. I sat down on this patch of green and she came over and snuggled, while I gently wept. At that moment I knew, the end was near.
B We got back on the road, fought some horrendous LA traffic – made worse by the LA Marathon – and got the the vet, where they took Dusty into the back and placed her in an oxygen tank to help her breathing.
Dusty had been to this place a few times before. Sometimes I had seen people exiting the back area wearing dark glasses, tissues to their faces, clearly suffering huge grief. I recognized it all too well.
I was called back into an empty exam room, where a young vet gave me the dreaded news that no medication was ever going to fix her problem. “I’m afraid having looked at all the lab results, the ultrasound and the x-rays, Dusty has a large tumor on the left side of her body. And the prognosis is very poor.”
My fiancé Michael arrived shortly afterwards and when he got the news we both just lost it. We just cried and wailed in each other’s arms for what seemed like a year. I am extremely grateful to have such a loving and supportive partner. Then we went back to see her in her oxygen tank. She looked weak, frail and sad but she came out to see us and nuzzled us as we shed a Niagara falls all over her.
Our vet outlined our options – either let her go or subject her to risky and painful surgery that might give her another six months, if we were lucky. Our vet was he was kindly and gently letting us know that there really wasn’t a decision to be made. The most humane thing for us to do was to let our princess pass as comfortably as possible.
The staff at the VCA Animal Hospital in West LA were incredible. They have rooms with sofas and rugs where we got to say goodbye to our beloved dog before the dreaded needles come in. The first to sedate her, and the second to put her to sleep – FOREVER.
We took some locks of her hair and are planning a little memorial. We’ll scatter some of her ashes up by the Wisdom tree, overlooking LA, where she loved to hike with me, and my friends, Richard, Tom, Victoria, Kimry, Marc and others. A lot of our friends dog sat for Dusty when we were away. Kim, Richard, Molly, Eileen, Sean, JT and Nick; Molly’s mum Judee watched her once and couldn’t believe we didn’t have a photo up of her, she remedied that fast, and upon our return there sat a framed photo of our beloved up on the side table. I also realize that all those that she came in contact with grieve too. so my heart goes out to my friends and Dusty’s pals too. Thank you for loving her.
Craig Young
